i used to really like being on top. not dominant, but physically. on top. riding, so to speak. it was the best, easiest way i could come, a sure-fire way to make everyone happy when the time arrived.
i belong on the bottom. not the top. being ridden, used, dominated, works much better, i've found, these days. in the animal kingdom, the stronger one is always on top - the physical sensation of being overpowered has an emotional effect in our subconscious.
so when you tell me to get on top, i'm dismayed - it doesn't fit me anymore. it's not appropriate. but i know what you want, i know what you want to see, as you rest your head on pillows and watch. it's hard to let go when someone is watching you like a movie, custom-designed. you are interested, aroused, sometimes amused. but you never smile.
i understand how physical position affects mental position.... i am wondering, though, about this:
ReplyDelete"you are interested, aroused, sometimes amused. but you never smile".
Is there a particular feedback from him that releases you to let go? Do you feel like there might be something he could do differently? Or is it a matter that has to be dealt with within you... as his, putting his desire first and turning that desire into yours?
Very thought provoking post, once again. Thanks much.
@ crystalline: interesting - i think i come at the situation with a completely different perspective. it never occurred to me (and yes! i'm surprised by my own reaction!) that there was any choice on my part to do it, or not. i don't know that i'm completely into the "come on command" world, but when he says it, well, it just - happens. i don't really think about it anymore, so when i'm in this position (on top), and he's watching for his own entertainment, i either do it, or don't - depending on his whim.
ReplyDeletealthough it's a whole other topic about when it's his whim to get me going and *leave* me there. ugh. ;)