despite everything, despite being lucky enough to call a good man my dominant, i remember occasionally that i'm all alone here on this side of the dynamic. oh, sure, there are a bunch of other bottoms, subsmissives and slaves that i've gotten to know that help relieve the isolation. but ultimately, it's only me that's doing what i do for that single person.
it's a different thing than being equals in a vanilla relationship, maybe.
i can reach back into my memory and think that's true - i remember feeling a good sense of "togetherness" with my partner. that we were in some way the same, unified, one. One. this - this *thing* that's happening now, our differences, the unbalanced dynamic, makes us inherently separate from each other, no matter how much we ultimately complement each other.
it doesn't lessen what i'm doing now (not that i have a choice, really, anymore). but the isolation factor is larger. what i do is so very singular.
soft focus
- luna_lux
- i adore labels. i love them. i cut them up and repaste them together again in little confetti anachronisms until i find one that looks like a gorgeous ransom note and say 'that'll fit.'
6 comments:
Gabriel over on TSR pointed out your post to me and I thought I'd give you another perspective. If I'm reading you right, I've been where you are - in a much more distant kind of relationship where the power-differential is the most defining characteristic of the relationship.
While I was unable to change that situation - another circumstance took care of it - I think I would have ended up never entirely satisfied or happy. Since then, I've started to pay much more attention to the type of dynamic I am looking for in relationships - and that's one that can still encompass significant ownership and M/s, but where the slavery is inspired by confidence and deeply nurtured and cared for - a more enveloping relationship - rather than a distancing one.
I might have completely derailed on a tangent there and read something you didn't intend, but thought I'd put out some thoughts.
thanks for your comment. i think this post came out of a singular moment - the relationship i'm in currently is actually an incredibly fulfilling one, and we're pretty darned close as individuals. but i've noticed on occasion that since he and i are so inherently *different* from each other, it's a simultaneous feeling of utmost intimacy and the recognition of how different we are. yin and yang, so to speak.
the relationship is also D/s, rather than M/s. so the nature and intent of it is slightly different than a long term nurturing one meant for long term partners might look like.
thanks again-
"the relationship is also D/s, rather than M/s. so the nature and intent of it is slightly different than a long term nurturing one meant for long term partners might look like."
there is a point unto itself. I would like to hear your thoughts on it~
hi cleardom - thanks for the comment. my current contract has a specific time limit. so the purpose of this particular set up was more about learning about each other, settling into a power dynamic relationship, rather than about a longer term symbiotic relationship. what it's turned into is certainly larger than it's original intent, but that doesn't change the inherent limitations of the Dominant/submissive contract.
we're fairly strict about sticking to those terms, and not changing them as we go. there are only a few limits, and my rights are pretty minimal, so it's left a large area for growth while still sticking to "the rules" as we made them.
i envision a Master/slave relationship a little differently, in that the intention is permanent, so the issues that might come up regarding emotional distance can be worked out over a longer time. luckily, the D/s relationship i'm currently in achieves and mostly resolves that issue, but that's more due to the people we are, luck and fate.
hope that clarifies a bit...
Thanks for your "clarification". Though I wonder, when the contract is gone, and the horizon or choices arises, how this will all work out - the contract is wonderful because it creates boundaries for you both - without it - expectations, desires, freedoms or lack thereof all come tumbling into your world... AND HIS - and along with those come perhaps the dreaded EXPECTATIONS of MORE... does love, caring, feeling, the laundry, the kids, finances, real life shit and blessings - do they change D/S or M/S - whatever you want to call it - in a relationship into something else - can the tension remain when the trash has to be taken out or the wash done or the bills paid or a hug given or needed - with A CONTRACT - the rules are there - without one - well...its a whole new world -
perhaps a ramble but one that is a constant in my life and perhaps in others..
hi again, cleardom: can the tension remain when the trash has to be taken out or the wash done or the bills paid or a hug given or needed... well, exactly. i'm of the mindset that it can remain, the dynamic can indeed exist, because to think otherwise would be to engage in a fantasy, aka: roleplay. even if you eliminate the big ones (kids, or a second income) the trash *still* needs to go out, in-laws and neighbors dealt with, and the occasional additional play partner. yes, tensions arise. but if both parties stick to the point, then it's no longer role play, but the way you live.
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