so, then

i found myself last night in a cycle. i haven't been in that cycle for a while - you know the one, where something happened that triggered some bad shit and you thought about it and thought about it and worried it like a sore tooth and tried to think it didn't hurt anymore so you really won't need to spend the cash on the copay after all and then you wake up and it hurts so motherfuckingbad you can't think straight about anything but that godamned tooth until miraculously you realize it's just a dream.

but.

unfortunately, that's only half the story, isn't it.

because sometimes, you learn to live with it. that thing that wasn't a dream after all.