The Big O

O words i am now very conscious of: opportunity. owner. orgasm. oreo cookie. obedience.

submissives/slaves tend to think about the transitions between states. when one is completely in sub mode versus when they are - not. in my relationship, this translates more as tone than submission - i am always his property, that doesn't change. what changes is the formal/less formal way i behave. more often than not, i follow his lead regarding the tone of the moment when i need to determine how to behave. i can tell by the look on his face, the things he says (or doesn't say) whether or not i'm on the right track. occasionally i get a slap (literal and/or figurative) for not picking up on the correct tone, but i try.

i'm conscious that i've been getting a lot of opportunities lately for things i don't normally get to have. my owner is busy, and feeling somewhat beneficent, i think, and i'm not complaining. but in discussing this recently, i realized that while for the most part he doesn't change his mindset or tone particularly, and i'm the one that follows along with the "adjustment", this is the one area where the opposite happens.

whatever he gives me - cruelty, rewards, distance, affection, tokens or restrictions, i take them gladly. whatever his motivations (and i love hearing about his reasons, although i don't always get to hear them) i'm just the recipient of his choices, his mindset. luckily for both of us, all of the things he gives me i'm grateful for. i don't change my behavior towards what he gives me depending on what it is. if he struggles with whether he's being cruel enough or caring enough or honest enough, those are struggles i can't assist with, other than hearing them out if he chooses to share.

but i will always take what he gives me and be grateful for it. it's just how it is.