"In the end, I was the mean girl
Or somebody's in between girl
Now it's the devil I love
And that's as funny as real love"
- Neko Case, "Hold On, Hold On"
We're taught that love wins. Love trumps evil. What if you're in love with evil? With the wrongness of things?
Love doesn't always conquer all. There are a ton of people who have lots of love in their lives, and are still living with discomfort, shame, dissatisfaction, disappointment. Loving someone doesn't mean you get what you want, or that your needs are being met. Raven Kaldera talks about falling in love with a dynamic, rather than a person. It can lead to disappointment, being in love with a concept represented by a person, rather than a person themselves. But maybe it's possible to be satisfied with this, but I don't see how - people are not static and have, unfortunately, faults and biases and egos.
It's a little chicken-and-egg: Did you fall in love with a person, or did you fall in love with your Owner/Master/Mistress/submissive/slave? Are you even "in love"?
I am attracted to wrong. I am attracted to subversive, gritty tough darkness. I long for emptiness, and restriction, and shadows. These things, these concepts do not make me happy, but they are necessary for my happiness. Halloween is coming.
*Tarot card "The Devil" by Wren McMurdo
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