"Lord have mercy
On my rough and rowdy ways"
- The Head and the Heart, "Down in the Valley"
In general, the people I'm closest to have always been male. Not boyfriends, although certainly I've had my fill of those, but friends, who are boys. Some of them wanted me, some of them didn't, but in general, I have found myself to have more in common with men, than with women.
I have some close female friends. Well, to be honest, I have few actual friends. And some of them are women.
I don't know very many women who are like me. I could say that it's because I'm special, and unique, but we all are, right? I don't know a lot of women personally who are submissive, masochistic, honest, self-aware, body positive, the way I am. But we don't really need our friends to be just like us, we need them to be understanding of who we are, and the same in reverse. It matters very little, actually, whether they're just like me. But it's sometimes easier to not be the weird one, the one who says and does weird shit and the one they shake their head and say "yep, I figured" or something like that. They love me, and support me, but they don't always understand me.
My male friends get it. Maybe it's the hyper sexuality (does it come easier to men to at least talk about that? I dunno), maybe it's the motivation to explore (although I've certainly met women explorers), maybe it's the fixation on self-awareness and honesty (although certainly tons of men are liars). I'm a pretty blunt, informal person who has little time for bullshit or song-and-dance. In general, I know what I want (I said in general!) and I'm not afraid of pursuing it.
Is that unusual for a woman? Not here, in this world. I wish I knew more of you.