Showing posts with label daddy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label daddy. Show all posts

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

lately


i've been feeling more of the daddy girl dynamic than maybe i ever have. i feel like your student a lot of the time, learning how things could or should happen, following you around and imitating you. we've joked about it - i want a carhartt jacket just like my daddy does.

i've always known who you are. somehow, very quickly, early on, we got to the truth of each other. it didn't change anything, or decide a future, but it was definitely different than any other relationship i'd had. whether it was because i was truthful with myself and that made me more truthful with you, or if your presentation of yourself with integrity intact gave me a role model, i'll never know. where do you end and i begin? it's sometimes hard to tell.

we've spent the last few years shedding unneeded baggage. people, things, and places. now, you show me possibilities i'd never seen before, and you are smarter than you know.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

dig

you dig into me with your teeth with your fingernails with your stare ditchdeep i'm sunk, deeper deeper i only have tunnel vision back to you a thin line a thread a line of spit slowly falling to the ground where my knees belong and you dig dig deep down dirt daughter dark your open hole.

Friday, October 10, 2008

every day a sun rises

"Yeah, maybe when you're old enough
You'll realize that you're not so tough.
And some days the seas get rough,
You'll see.
You're too young to have it figured out.
You think you know what you're talkin' about."

- the raconteurs, "old enough"

i don't mean to come across like a know-it-all. maybe a know-it-some, though.

there's some knowledge that literally only comes with getting older. not experience, even, but age. it's a matter of waking up every day to whatever-it-is-you've-chosen, seeing the sun come up reliably again, the moon rising and flooding every month. these are dependable things, in a life that is rarely stable.

here's what i would tell you, if you sat still long and quietly enough:

there are people who love you, no matter what you do, or how you act, or what you say. they won't go away, because they know who you are, and you are valuable to them. it's not worth picking fights with them, it's not worth being sad or even happy about them, because they do exist and they do love you. they may not be what you expect, or what you want, but in that form, they are yours.

there are also people who do not love you, and who never will. that's the other side of this coin. i don't mean that they will hurt you as much as i mean that they do not love you. they do not know who you are, and they will sift through people like sand and will never be satisfied with what's left in their hands - which is nothing. so get over them - you're just moving sand to them, nothing more.

he loves you. stop fighting so hard.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

a small untruth

a long time ago i said something about not being interested in daddy/girl play - it's not my 'thing'. that's not - entirely true.

i've avoided this topic because it's so convoluted and twisted and uncomfortable and different from what i see a lot of other people doing with this dynamic.

most of the folks i see playing with a Daddy dynamic are doing something very cool. from what i can tell, they're getting a pretty nurturing, discipline-heavy kind of thing. the s-types in this dynamic (as i see them) have a need for a caretaker in some capacity, but one who on some level shows affection and love for them. the stone-cold Master isn't what they're looking for (or need, sometimes) - their reasons for submitting, obeying are about the affection they get from Daddy in return.

it's not like that for me.

my owner takes very, very good care of me. we walk a weird path that involves objectification, slavery, service, and a great deal of affection between two people. what i get from him is the same care and attention i see him giving his other valued posessions. there's an attention to detail, a *quality* to this that i'm attracted to ongoing. his posessions, his home, are so uniquely *his* - and i want to be a part of that. there's also a coldness to his treatment of me - a distance he somehow manages to maintain despite how close we are as individuals. i wonder at this ability, because it's one i've never posessed and rarely see in others.

my daddy isn't like that. he isn't cold, he isn't my friend, he isn't nice, and he doesn't take any care of me. he's a singular purpose of a man, one that takes extreme advantage with total disregard for my well being. my daddy mocks me, tortures me.

i don't know if this is role play or not when daddy arrives, because i am never as truly afraid as i am then. and that's the truth of it.