collected

"...You try to fly, but you cannot fly
You try to hide, but I'm by your side
You run from me, run from me, run from me
I am the adversary
I am the adversary
I am the adversary
I am your foe I go where you go..."

- Crime & the City Solution

i once asked you if you would come collect me if i tried to exit.

yes, you answered.

it's a backwards way of feeling affection, i suppose. all our standard notions of what it means to to set something free, to let it live it's own life and destiny, fall short for this concept of ownership, don't they. we're supposed to give alive things their freedom, to not restrict their progress and fate. and yet here i am, setting up my life according to someone else's rules, pleasures, and tasks.

i don't know why the caged bird sings. i only know that with you looking over my shoulder, i am more confident, more assertive, more - myself. i doubt myself less when i know you are watching.