push

triggered by kitty's post a 'me' post... i'm not a slave....

just another demarcation point. life's a changin', and i'm while i'm not dreading the next part as the term end of my contract approaches, i'm almost high with anticipation about it, and we're pushing edges almost daily. is this why they call it a fever pitch?

i spent over 15 years firmly in the land of submission with an occasional side dish of bisexual sadism.

i fought it, and fought it, and fought it, until one sentence this past year from someone i trust just about more than almost anyone else brought it all crumbling down.

yes, i am a slave. i know, now, that the reason i've been struggling in relationships for as long as i have is because i was unwilling to acknowledge this. so i suppose the answer to your question is no, i can't change that. i've tried, and failed miserably.

i know that who and what i am is unusual, and to some, even, unacceptable, dangerous, immoral and pathological. but i've never been happier in my entire life than with this realization. it's not right for everyone, and honestly - if i'd had had a choice about it, i'm not sure i'd have chosen it - it's a hard path. but it's mine.