color me humiliated.

i talk a good game. i talk a lot about objectification, humiliation, extreme edge play, the down-n'-dirty stuff. since the age of - what - 8? - i've clung to these fantasies, and they're not leaving any time soon. i clamped them down like bile for many years and it's only recently that i've not only acknowledged the breadth of them, but have walked through my own rings of fire to live them out. i've said it before, and i'll say it again - it's not an easy path, but it's mine.

anyway.

it's one thing to fantasize about things, imagine them happening, the nuances of the voices involved and the imagined positions and results. i'd become used to the habit of getting to sleep by letting my "fingers do the walking", the easiest way to a good night's sleep as far as i was concerned.

but this last thing just takes me down. down. it came at me sideways, unexpectedly, and it seems like such a minor thing compared to so many others i've lived out (through). my owner has taken to reaping (raping) the benefits of my brand-spankin'-new cell phone with digital camera application. all day i've been snapping away at my private parts in embarassing positions. i'm a horrible photographer, and after the first one tried to add some footnotes about how it's a bad picture and i'm sorry for that, the aesthetics suck, but at least there's the humiliation side benefit. he said,

"that's the point, cunt, not the side benefit."