i want sugar. not yoga. i want:
oreo cookies
lemon meringue pie
key lime pie
chocolate mousse
creme brulee
a hershey bar, with almonds
mocha latte
non-diet coke
brownies
cheesecake
strawberry shortcake
mudslide sundae
goobers
jelly beans
birthday cake
pancakes
some days, i feel like i'm just going to snap.
you'd think after all this time i'd either just give in a realize it ain't gonna happen and find some fucking peace about it, or give in and take the consequences.
somehow i can't seem to do either. this isn't a whine, this is a helpless, sweating-it-out in a daily basis kind of thing. i rarely get angry at my owner, and when i do, it's almost inevitably about food.
the other day, i asked and received permission to eat an english muffin with cheese. this was a moment to note because bread is on the "my eyebrow is raised you'd better watch it" list. not completely forbidden, but it's not exactly high on the "wonderful!" list, either. but before i could run off and take full advantage of the permission as given (as i'm wont to do these days - i no longer stand around hemming and hawing and looking gift horses in the mouth) he added "with an egg." not a big deal, no?
but i didn't want an egg.
what i wanted was freedom to pick my own goddamned breakfast the way i wanted it. i was so incredibly pissed off that i sat my ass down on the couch in the other room and fumed about it. to the point where i resentfully thought to myself, "fine. i won't eat anything, then."
which doesn't work, now, does it. especially when you're hungry.
so i got up, cooked the goddamned stupid egg, stuck it on my now-tasteless english muffin, and ate it.
yeah, slavery is so glamorous i can't stand it. the extra-sad thing about all this is that i know my owner is going to read this and laugh hysterically, and then eliminate english muffins. sigh.
**edit** yeah, we're all shocked. indeed, hysterical laughter and a new addition to the forbidden list: english muffins.
3 comments:
Do you find that the rules help you, though?
I'm very curious about what you're allowed/not allowed to eat. I'm having a tough time eating "healthy" on my own at the moment, and am wondering if having strict rules from my Sir might help.
good grief. my owner's rules probably seem more complicated to me than they really should - most of them are practical. i should also mention that they've been gradually introduced over the last year - and more often than not tied to orgasm control. he's very interested in whole-body-health for longevity purposes, and while i'm fairly healthy, i'm not as focused on it on my own as he'd like. i'll try to summarize
- no sugar treats with no nutritional value. period. ever. for example, vanilla yogurt is okay (not great), but not ice cream. very rarely do i get sugar treats (like, once every few weeks, if that.)
- i am required to track every single non-water item that goes in. (and out, for that matter.) writing it down makes me super-concious of it.
- i tend to eat carbs when i'm tired (especially now since i don't get sugar), so i have to be careful i'm not eating too much bread, or he makes note of it and structures an actual diet for a while.
- i've found that i *have* to eat a large portion of protein first meal of the day (eggs, cheese, something) and not just fruit - i tend to sugar crash and binge later.
- in the last month, i'm now required to eat a *large* portion of greens if i want an orgasm that day. the window for opportunity is open daily, but closes at the close of each day (in other words, no saving it for the next day). this is new, and i'll probably lose that opportunity as soon as the greens are more common in my diet per his liking.
- 8oz of water once a day. this also used to be tied to orgasm control, since i'm not a big water drinker, but now it's incorporated enough that that's gone. juice, tea, etc are not acceptable. only water.
- i keep a huge bowl of fruit on my counter. i eat a lot of yogurt. and nuts.
- i'm counting myself lucky i still get coffee. i still also get diet coke as i want it, but he hates that, and i'm expecting it'll be off my list pretty soon. i drink it less now though on my own, so maybe not.
when i'm *with* my owner, he dictates what/when i eat. period. that's just about once a week or so for a few days. i eat what he eats, and he's a healthy-eatin' kinda guy. so it's less rigid then because he's watching it.
hope that helps - lemme know if you want more details, i'm happy to help.
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