i'm frustrated. my brain is cobwebby and i'm trapped by you at all sides. each path of thought leads back to you, and how to help, serve, suffer for you. a conversation i mis-heard today: a slave being reminded that she is only a slave because she believes herself to be, and no longer envisions the exit.
i think about my failures. i think about my baggage, about my shortcomings and my needs, size extra-large. i am self-centered enough to still believe that it is my actions, my choice, to stay or leave, and then i'm caught at all sides again with the realization that - i don't know how. my brain cannot connect the threads of exiting, i cannot conceive of why i would.
a lot of discussion about totality again. i'm not chained to the floor, or even leashed at your side most of the time. i live in the box you created for me, instead. i'm comforted by the rituals the rules and your reasons.
it just seems so simple from where i sit. your word is law, and i obey. how is that confusing?
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1 comment:
This really resonated with me. Thank you for writing it.
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