his puppet

a huge, huge stroke of luck this week. my impending career change has manifested, and with some trepidation i'm moving forward. it's hugely exciting and scary and i kind of feel like i'm out of my league with this, but it's something i've always wanted to do, so it's the right choice.

"the right choice," i just wrote. and i wonder how much of this is a choice. this whole career-job-changing process exemplifies the discussion i always seem to be having about TPE relationships and the "total" part in particular.

you know those stupid questions about "what if you had to disobey your Master to protect your children,"? no matter how many times you try to explain that you wouldn't ever have to make that choice, the question materializes "hypothetically" about once a month in some format. i'm so sick of that question i could spit.

giving my owner control over my life's work, my career path, income, financial stability - yeah, it's a big one. but like the "Master or kids?" question, it's kind of a moot point, because i can't imagine him making a choice that would be ultimately detrimental to me. in fact, the choices he's made and the pushes he's given and the directions he's pulled me in have only given me the strength to go down a career path i'd never have the guts to do on my own. i'm hellaciously nervous, but he's absolutely right about this: it's something i've always wanted and will ultimately make me a person who lives fulfilled and with joy.

he's also right about something else. he called me his puppet, and i am. can't you see how that's the right word, and how it's not a choice, and how questioning that is just ridiculous?

("puppet master" by Michael Parkes)