congratulations

funny, i don't really feel the need to celebrate this. when people ask how we met, they turn it into one of those "internet success stories", as if two people meeting each other electronically and then in person and taking a year and a fucking half to decide what to do about it is magic.

i dunno. i feel weird hanging up clothes in his closet. finding room for my cookbooks. it feels presumptuous, i told him. not bad, but weird. i guess deep down in the bowels of my heart i never truly expected this, and hadn't really prepared for it, even as it was being discussed in minute detail.

i expected this to fail. i expected it to run it's course, and be done. i figured i'd suck this dry of everything i could, every slight change in the shade of it, experiencing the most intense power dynamic i'd ever found, and that would be that.

this isn't really a success story, because it's not done yet. but the other side of it is that it feels perfectly and totally natural to behave the way we are together. there are moments when anyone would view us as a really happy vanilla couple. what's amazing is that as this slowly moves forward, i feel almost completely uninterested in the words that get used. i'm used to being obsessed with words and their definitions and how to articulate and describe what i am, what i am to him, what he is, what we are.

is this contentment? that, i have almost zero experience with.