witness part 3

"In physics, the term observer effect refers to changes that the act of observation will make on the phenomenon being observed. This is often the result of instruments that, by necessity, alter the state of what they measure in some manner."

- wikipedia, heisenberg's "observer effect"

for someone who has extreme exhibitionist tendencies, it's not often i find myself in the position of wanting privacy. the nature of who i am has a huge element of observation inherent to it - it's taken me a long time to come to terms with both the narcissism and vulnerability that entails.

i'd love to be able to shout to the world that i don't give a fuck what anybody thinks. and for the most part, that's true. but as my owner once stated, the act of witnessing something validates it in a way that couldn't be achieved otherwise.

big changes are in the midst right now, and i'm finding myself unwilling to talk about that. i don't need external validation for once, which i'm actually cherishing. observation, or witnessing, has the effect of inherently changing the nature of the act, and right now i'm more interested in the act remaining genuine. so.

eventually i'll talk about it. but it's interesting to me to recognize the whole observation-as-interference aspect of things.