breakdown

there are two things that happened.

one, is that i got my feelings hurt.

the other is that i realized my feelings are irrelevant. just something else for you to examine, toy with, abuse and change, if you feel like it.

except it doesn't work like that.

in other dynamics, egalitarian ones, one could have an expectation of hearing something like, at the worst, "i think you're being pretty ridiculous about this, but i'm sorry if i hurt your feelings."

i am trying to remind myself that a) this is not an egalitarian relationship, b) apologies are not something i can expect, and c) how i felt about any interaction we had isn't your priority.

you have work to do.

one of my primary rules is to never filter how i'm feeling. but that's an awfully hard thing to accomplish when the thing i am trying not to filter away from you is something you disregard as irrelevant. perhaps i should have kept it to myself.

which isn't the right answer either. it's not up to me to determine what is irrelevant and what is not.

all i know is that i am confused and wary.