interesting

here's some interesting things i noticed.

on occasion, i'm cranky about a task. it's nothing unusual, something i do all the time. but i get into this "well, shit. maybe if you'd help, it'd go faster, and i could do the other ninety gazillion things that need to get done...", or something like that. but i find myself using my obligations and responsibilities and agreements and the knowledge that it's his right to yadda yadda yadda stuff as a crutch, and calm myself down, and get it done.

i think i'm brainwashed.

but in a good way.

and i also noticed this: i have problems with my posture. my owner has made it one of his personal missions in life to correct this. i noticed today during one of my personal cranky moments that my posture instantly turned into one of martyrdom and sacrifice and drudgery. bowed back by suffering, as modeled by my mother for many years.

it disgusted me.

i don't want to mimic something i am not.

i'm working on it.