i miss you already

"what always fascinates me about you is that you don't like it. but you want it."

"yes, sir."

i don't like it. i don't like the pain. it makes me gasp, it makes me cringe, it frightens me and i dread it. some kinds are worse than others, but none of them are pleasurable. but i'm the one who suggests the opportunity, drags down the box, and shuts up.

there are still phrases and words that send an electric jolt through me. "hard use." "suffer, bitch." and the mere actions of a man using his slave for his own purposes, not caring what the results are other than his own satisfaction. i don't ever go numb, but being your rag doll certainly brings me damned close. if only you wouldn't hurt me so much, i'd be able to float away.

it's a riddle, isn't it. hurt me so i can suffer so i can't float away.

i don't like sleeping in your bed without you.