Dig Deeper

 

Dig deeper. Dig deeper, my fingers wrapped around what's left, and clinging the thought of what happens next. 

I told my therapist the other day that I never, ever want to be a person who is scared of doing Things. I want to be a person who is not afraid of doing the Things, Big Things, Scary Things. I am disgusted by hesitation, even though I see it all the time in myself. What is it that is exactly that scary? There is nothing life or financial security threatening. Is it the fear of abandonment (no) the fear of replacement (no) the fear of preference (no, not anymore)? 

It is the fear of expectations not met, of disappointment. I'm committing. Or, rather, I'm re-committing - I never stopped, I just got muted. Dig in, gimme my shovel.